the most beautiful story i've ever read

#8: Olivia

olivia j. crandall; controlling tremors

About Olivia:

Keep your loved ones away from one, Olivia J. Crandall. After years of dealing with morally questionable people, she has gained a demeanor so insidious, so fantastically raw, that she will poison the minds of all your blissfully ignorant children until they are just like her: dangerous. She has been the inspiration for the cunning femme fatale of many a young, struggling author's graphic novel. Her classic good looks are as devastating as hurricane katrina. Olivia is hurricane katrina, and we are all poor black people. What a dick. She is known to sing The Olivia Tremor Control, claiming those songs are about her. They aren't, she's just a conceited fuck. Among other things, wearing an Olivia Crandall shirt into a chuck e. cheese is worth as many tokens as a report card with straight A's. So if you enjoy ballpits, and that old teenage mutant ninja turtles arcade game (the one pre-dating dance dance revolution, where you stomp on turtle shells instead of fuckin lighted arrows), wear this shirt.

#7: Abort Shawn

"if you're not pro-choice, all that means is you've never slept with a hooker in kansas city"

#6: Daniel Alonso Remembered: A Clothe Study

front/back   (dead/alive)

About Danny:

Daniel J. Alonso. He goes by many names. Some know him as Danny, some Dan, and some as simply, "hey fagtron." Whatever he was, he left a standing impression on this earth. An enigma from the start, Danny was never understood. Like a shark. A shark only wants food, and to be left alone; sometimes these needs conflict however, and the shark has to eat some poor white kid. Danny ate a lot of poor white kids in his short-lived life. Like his life, his death was surrounded by turmoil, passion, and helpless puppies. The details of this event are fuzzy, but you can be damned sure of one thing - that kid didn't give in without a fight. No sir. Viva la raza. Viva la Danny.

#5: The Stav Infection

Infected shirt^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

About Allison: 

What can be said about Allison that hasn't already been said about Iron Maiden. Both are 70's heavy metal English bands, both drink their weight in spiced rum every night, and both give dudes boners. What's not to like? Her beauty and appeal are endless. She's a heartbreaker, a salt shaker, a rain maker, a brain taker, and a pain baker. If Allison were baked goods, or one of those rotisserie chickens at Giant Eagle, that shit would sell like gangbusters.

#4: Radiohead (radiodread soon to come)

red is the same shirt back/front

i've never seen a radiohead t-shirt before. these may be the first. 

#3: Sabol Prom '08

In an interstellar burst, Sabol is back to save the universe

You actually can't have this shirt. Only those who were fortunate/unfortunate enough to attend Prom '08 will ever know the soft touch of fabric laced with David Sabol. 

#2: Jimmy

James P. Sherry

About Jimmy:

Jimmy cannot be described in the form of the frail words we utter everyday. To do so would be an insult. The only proper way to speak of him is in Webdings.

JIMMY IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO THIS WORLD SINCE KARL MALONE AND JOHN STOCKTON WERE ON THE UTAH JAZZ TOGETHER. HE IS BOTH A BEST FRIEND, AND A WORST ENEMY. A BEST FRIEND IN THE SENSE THAT I WOULD ENTRUST MY LIFE TO HIM; A WORST ENEMY IN THE SENSE THAT I HAVE ONLY UNBRIDLED HATRES FOR HIM. IT FILLS ME WITH BOOTH JOY AND SADNESS THAT JIMMY IS ALIVE. JOY BECAUSE I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF LOVING HIM; SADNESS BECAUSE I KNOW MY CHILDREN WON'T/ HE IS DESTINED TO DIE YOUNG, LIKE ALL THE OTHERS BEFORE HIM: HENDRIX, COBAIN, TIM RUSSERT. TRAGIC? YES - BUT IT IS THE IT THE ONLY WAY. WHEN IT HAPPENS (APRIL 7, 2016), I, AND WHOEVER WILL JOIN ME, WILL WEAR HIS VISAGE WITH PRIDE - KNOWING THAT WE WILL HELP HIS PRESENCE CONTINUE IN THIS WORLD, AFTER HIS PHYSICAL SELF HAS FALLEN INTO THE SOFT, COLD NIGHT.

 

#1: Webster

Michael J. Webster, ON YOUR CLOTHE

About Mike:

Michael Webster is many things: a warrior, an omnivore, a princess. Before anything though, he is a MAN. A man who isn't afraid to laugh in the face of relevant danger. Need a lover? Mike is your man. He will be glad to court you with a crab dinner at Tony Roma's, study your body beyond all propriety, and make passionate love to you until your ears bleed. Who wouldn't want such a man on his/her chest 24/7. Surely not I. 

Welcome to my world, world

After weeks of deliberations, minutes of planning, and countless phone calls made by our amazing staff of  indentured servants, the world of Thread & Butter, inc. has come to fruition. Thread & Butter is my gift to a world. She is my baby. Maybe not. She is my bastard. A bastard through which, I will create and dispense my creations. Oh, many creations will be created here. I will create these creations. They will be created. Here. 

Basically, I bought about 30 plain factory-rejected t-shirts for about $5 from Pat Catan's, and am drawing whatever I please on them. I will put any shirt I make up here for your viewing pleasure. If you want it, e-mail mikesklenka@aol.com with 3 things:

• the number of the shirt
• a size
• preferred color, (i'm not making promises though. you will take what you get).
• your address (if i don't see you often)

If people actually do this, you will more than likely get it within a week or so; or not at all. It really depends how I'm feeling and stuff. I don't care who you are, if you want one, just ask. Because I love you, ya know? If I make you one, and have to send it via US mail due to our lack of immediate personal communication or whatever, just send 5 dollars to the return address. Theoretically, you could receive aforementioned shirt and just not pay me, which is cool. I would just think you're a dick. So don't be a dick. Just keep it real.