#8: Olivia

olivia j. crandall; controlling tremors

About Olivia:

Keep your loved ones away from one, Olivia J. Crandall. After years of dealing with morally questionable people, she has gained a demeanor so insidious, so fantastically raw, that she will poison the minds of all your blissfully ignorant children until they are just like her: dangerous. She has been the inspiration for the cunning femme fatale of many a young, struggling author's graphic novel. Her classic good looks are as devastating as hurricane katrina. Olivia is hurricane katrina, and we are all poor black people. What a dick. She is known to sing The Olivia Tremor Control, claiming those songs are about her. They aren't, she's just a conceited fuck. Among other things, wearing an Olivia Crandall shirt into a chuck e. cheese is worth as many tokens as a report card with straight A's. So if you enjoy ballpits, and that old teenage mutant ninja turtles arcade game (the one pre-dating dance dance revolution, where you stomp on turtle shells instead of fuckin lighted arrows), wear this shirt.

#7: Abort Shawn

"if you're not pro-choice, all that means is you've never slept with a hooker in kansas city"

#6: Daniel Alonso Remembered: A Clothe Study

front/back   (dead/alive)

About Danny:

Daniel J. Alonso. He goes by many names. Some know him as Danny, some Dan, and some as simply, "hey fagtron." Whatever he was, he left a standing impression on this earth. An enigma from the start, Danny was never understood. Like a shark. A shark only wants food, and to be left alone; sometimes these needs conflict however, and the shark has to eat some poor white kid. Danny ate a lot of poor white kids in his short-lived life. Like his life, his death was surrounded by turmoil, passion, and helpless puppies. The details of this event are fuzzy, but you can be damned sure of one thing - that kid didn't give in without a fight. No sir. Viva la raza. Viva la Danny.

#5: The Stav Infection

Infected shirt^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

About Allison: 

What can be said about Allison that hasn't already been said about Iron Maiden. Both are 70's heavy metal English bands, both drink their weight in spiced rum every night, and both give dudes boners. What's not to like? Her beauty and appeal are endless. She's a heartbreaker, a salt shaker, a rain maker, a brain taker, and a pain baker. If Allison were baked goods, or one of those rotisserie chickens at Giant Eagle, that shit would sell like gangbusters.