the old guitarist

in the waves

adeline ravoux

self-portrait #35

the most beautiful story i've ever read

#8: Olivia

olivia j. crandall; controlling tremors

About Olivia:

Keep your loved ones away from one, Olivia J. Crandall. After years of dealing with morally questionable people, she has gained a demeanor so insidious, so fantastically raw, that she will poison the minds of all your blissfully ignorant children until they are just like her: dangerous. She has been the inspiration for the cunning femme fatale of many a young, struggling author's graphic novel. Her classic good looks are as devastating as hurricane katrina. Olivia is hurricane katrina, and we are all poor black people. What a dick. She is known to sing The Olivia Tremor Control, claiming those songs are about her. They aren't, she's just a conceited fuck. Among other things, wearing an Olivia Crandall shirt into a chuck e. cheese is worth as many tokens as a report card with straight A's. So if you enjoy ballpits, and that old teenage mutant ninja turtles arcade game (the one pre-dating dance dance revolution, where you stomp on turtle shells instead of fuckin lighted arrows), wear this shirt.

#7: Abort Shawn

"if you're not pro-choice, all that means is you've never slept with a hooker in kansas city"